


all the best

by qar



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, IRL Fic, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29150205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qar/pseuds/qar
Summary: Wilbur’s heartbeat. Steady, comforting, in a way nothing else really was.In a way nothing else ever would be. He can hear it if he closes his eyes. Quiet, steady.Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump.Wilbur’s dead. Tommy knows this.Disclaimer:If any of the creators mention they are uncomfortable with these types of fics I will take this down
Relationships: TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 89
Kudos: 468





	all the best

**Author's Note:**

> tw for off-screen major character death, suicide

Calls are never quite full.

No matter how many people join, there's always a little bit of blank space. A pause for a laugh, warm and brotherly, whenever Tommy misses a joke. Place for a low voice, quietly humming music into life.

It still feels like a fresh wound, bleeding sluggishly yet still staining everything around it crimson. The loss of Wilbur weighs heavily on everyone in their community. Nothing's quite the same, even almost a month later. Everything still hurts.

Tommy doesn't stream nowadays. It feels cruel; a mockery of where Wilbur'd gotten him since they'd first met, all that time ago on SMPEarth. Disrespectful, maybe.

 _You were one of the kindest things the world gave to me,_ the message had said. _My little brother. My Tommy._

_I'm sorry. I know it'll be hard for you. I hope you can move on easily._

"How can I?" Tommy'd whispered, voice cracking, rubbing the tears from his eyes and only succeeding in smearing them across his face. "How am I supposed to-"

"You can stop reading," Phil had said gently. "I- I had to stop reading _so_ many times, Tommy." His voice was fragile. Everything felt fragile. "It's okay. You were one of the people closest to him."

His shoulders had shook with suppressed sobs. "He still left," he'd murmured. "He promised."

"I'm sorry," Phil had said.

_I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me._

Nothing's the same anymore. Can't be. Wilbur's in the itch Tommy gets after school, when he'd call his older-brother-figure and ramble about his latest assignments. He's in every guitar Tommy hears; on the radio, in the background music of his prerecorded videos- fucking everywhere. It feels as though Tommy can't go a foot without sobbing those first few days. Wilbur's gone. His big brother is gone.

"How are you coping?" Phil asks him one day, out of the blue, one of those rare days when Tommy had joined his voice call and just- curled up. Listen to him talk. Techno's there, but he'd fallen silent as Phil asked. He'd heard the question plenty of times.

Tommy blinks when he comprehends the question asked. "Y-You can't ask me that," he says unsteadily, a hand coming up to wipe his eyes. _Fuck, Phil hadn't even said anything and he was still getting teary._ "What answer do you want?"

"Everyone has to cope," Phil says, in that reassuring way that says that he's most certainly researched this. Tommy trusts him. "Tommy, you were the closest to him. You meant the world to him."

_You mean the world to me. You were one of the bright spots. I'm sorry I'm leaving._

“He still left,” Tommy repeats, uncomfortably similar to the way he’d whispered the words on the first day, then clears his throat.. “I- I don’t know what you want me to say here, Phil.”

Phil doesn’t say anything. There’s a beat. “He’s everywhere,” Tommy says. “Wherever I look. He’s- he’s fucking haunting me.” His breath catches. “Even though he’s gone. I keep- waiting for his voice. His calls. Waiting for him to tell me it’s alright, it’s okay, but he’s- he’s dead, Phil. Wilbur’s gone. I don’t know what to do with myself.”

He can hear when Phil starts to cry, breath hitching and icon muting. He can hear the way Techno’s voice wavers, higher than it usually is. Everything’s still so fragile; everyone falls apart so easily nowadays. It’s fitting. Discomforting.

He misses Wilbur. They hadn’t met all that long, that day in Brighton, but it’d been- quite genuinely- one of the greatest days in Tommy’s life. His online friends had a way of making him feel safe in a way no one else could. He thinks about it now; and his mind immediately flashes to Wilbur. 

Of course it does- his pseudo-older-brother, his safety blanket in the online world, one of his closest friends. He remembers meeting him like it’s yesterday. Remembers the coarse off-white fabric of Wilbur’s button up shirt, the way Tommy’d nervously melted into Wilbur’s open arms; the way his face had rubbed into the folds and Wilbur’s deodorant had felt near dizzying. The way the older man had laughed, warmly, pulling him in with that confidence he always radiated that Tommy lacked.

“Hi, Tommy,” he’d said, voice shaking with laughter, even though he’d greeted him only moments prior. 

Being hugged by Wilbur was- comforting. Warm. Tommy’d never felt _small_ in front of anyone, not really, but Wilbur was a solid few inches taller than him, and even if he hadn’t been- well. He was Wilbur. He was safe, and his presence was just comforting in a way Tommy couldn’t imagine ever being. 

“Hey, Wilbur Soot,” he’d said in return, closing his eyes and almost tripping over Wilbur’s boots. They’d stood there for almost ten minutes- Tommy could hear, vaguely, the sound of Phil and Wilbur having a conversation over his head, feel the vibration of Wilbur’s vocal chords where his cheek was pressed to Wilbur’s chest- it was all he could focus on. Wilbur’s heartbeat. Steady, comforting, in a way nothing else really was.

In a way nothing else ever would be. He can hear it if he closes his eyes. Quiet, steady. _Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump._

Wilbur’s dead. Tommy knows this.

Tommy’s at the funeral. It’s in Brighton. He’s wearing a black suit that Wilbur’d made fun of him in occasionally.

_“That looks awful.”_

_“Women flock to me.”_

_“Women run at the sight of you.”_

_Later, though, he’d grinned at the younger man, full and bright. “You looked good, though, Tommy. Don’t take me seriously.”_

The fabric chafes against every square inch of skin it touches. It creases up at his joints as he gives in to the overwhelming feeling of grief, curling into himself and finally, finally letting himself cry. His mother’s next to him. Nothing she does makes him feel better. Nothing makes him feel better. He just wants Wilbur.

Wilbur, who's in a casket in front of them, looking as perfect as he did even on the days he was struggling. Wilbur, who he'll never see again. His big brother. One of his best friends.

_I’m sorry that I won’t be there to watch you grow. You’ll be better off. I will too._

"Remember," Tommy says, the word bitter on his tongue. "When I listened to Jubilee Line? And cried cause I was scared he'd kill himself?"

Phil unmutes. "Yeah," he says, with his stupid accent Wilbur poked fun at constantly. It barely sounds like he's been crying.

"He said he was doing better," Tommy says, and it's almost desperate. "He promised me he wouldn't leave me." He's crying by then; full, choking sobs that clog up his airways and make his shoulders shake with the force of them. "I miss him."

He can still feel his long fingers tangling in blond hair; feel his heartbeat against his ear. The way he could play guitar, effortless in a way Tommy could never achieve. Dark hair. Dark eyes. Low voice, comforting and calm. Funny, a nerd when it came to geography, a sucker for nostalgia. Wilbur.

_You've grown so much since I met you, Tommy. I couldn't be more proud. Just- keep going without me, okay? Don't let this keep you down. Keep growing and learning. Be better than I was. I love you._

**Author's Note:**

> wish i could've done more.
> 
> leave a kudo, comment or bookmark if you enjoyed :) stay safe <3
> 
> tumblr: noorahqar  
> discord: https://discord.gg/w9CwSK26mm (copy paste into a browser)


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